First week

Yep really well, thanks for asking! ;-) 

The first week back at the gym has been awesome, well apart from having to step onto the scales and realise i am the biggest i have been since being pregnant, shhhhhh please don't tell anyone. 

Loving the classes and loving my personal trainer. 

The new goals are to complete a half marathon, the lose 11kg (11kg, 11kg, 11kg and that is just to bring me back to 60kg)

I'm certainly not lacking motivation at the moment but can i maintain this level, that is the question and that is where i struggle. 

Well here is a picture of my boobs to show you how i am feeling right now! 

Joined the Gym

Hi there stranger!

Well we have moved house, settled in and are now ready for the next chapter and guess what, I JOINED THE GYM!!!!!!! WOO WOO!!!!

Genesis is my choice and so far so good. 

I went for the first time today and while R was perfect at the Creche B had a little bit of trouble and they ended up coming and getting me but this was after about 45 minutes so i was happy with that!

Looking forwards to more gym time and getting my fitness back!

Almost back

67.5kg is my number today. Almost back to my regular 67kg. 

Cracking that 67kg mark will be a great milestone for me simply because that will mean i am back on the down, or in other words i am back to where i was before i went on a frenzied couple of months long binge... So finally i am not feeling so much like this. ;-)

So 67.5 it is and i am happy with that. :-)

~xox~

A week off...

So i took a week off. It was much needed. After all the stress of the last couple of weeks and finally having some answers and direction.

Well all i can say is yuck, i don't feel good when i eat crap, my tummy feels horrible and my mood just doesn't improve.

Lets see what i can pull out this week hey!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since i started...

So since i started this new journey i have been losing at a steady pace. 

First week 700g

Second week 700g

Third week, a kind of undeserved, 300g

So it brings me down to 68.3kg. My running has been going great, running about 3-4 times a week, doing one short run of about 5k, one long run of about 8k and one set of interval pyramids. 

Look out world i am back on track. :-)

Here it is...

An updated before shot. All ready and set for the next 12 week challenge. :-)

Gah! Can't wait to see something different. 

~xox~

When the world gets tough i eat!!!

Dumbest thing EVER... So it all started when R broke her leg. We got to the Dr's about 3pm, got to radiology about 4pm and were at hospital by 5pm. By about 630pm we were told you wont be going home for a long time, so at that point my hubby went in search of dinner and managed to find a vending machine and came back with chips and soft drink, of course by the way the day went i didn't have time to prepare healthy meals for us to have while in hospital so this was the begining of the end. 

Piss poor excuse Kim but this is what started me on my path of self destruction. I don't need to go into too many boring details, as really who wants to hear about how shit my life is and let's face it there are people out there far worse than me, so anyway life has sucked pretty bad since then and to compensate or punish myself i have been stuffing my gob with anything and everything and GOD I FEEL HORRIBLE FOR IT.

As i lay on my back on my bed last night spasming like a cockroach that had just been sprayed trying to get my jeans on it dawned on me. WHAT AN IDIOT. I HATE the way i am feeling, i HATE the way i am looking and I don't even really like the food i am forcing myself to eat. I am punishing myself for the way life is going.

Is anyone else actually stupid enough to do this, force them self to eat disgusting food while telling them self things like "well you are a fat failure anyway you may as well eat this stuff and live up to your title". 

WOW that sounds so dumb when you write it down. 

So i am now officially the heaviest i have been since having the kids and enough is enough. I am worth the change, i know i will be back here agin at some point but hopefully just not as bad as this, so here is to tomorrow, the first day of success. :-) 

~xox~

No change no change

No change... I'll take it!!! While i am massively at the biggest weight i have been since having kids i didn't gain any more this week so i am happy with that. 

69.8kg, god i hate that number but i love it at the same time because it isn't 70kg which is where i thought i would be this week. 

So snap out of it idiot, grow up and stop making excuses in your head for making the wrong choices. 

This week i pledge to lose 1kg. I WILL lose 1kg and i WILL weigh less than 68.8kg next week. 

Where to now?

So i feel like i have swallowed a brick, the weight in my stomach not caused from food but caused from frustration and being down. 

I have gained and gained massively. Einstein is right, i am insane, lol, i keep doing the same thing expecting to lose weight. 

So tomorrow i am back to it, back to the blood type diet and back to doing every single little piece of incidental exercise i can. 

And here it is... 

Yep 69.8kg. Almost 70kg. I haven't been that weight since after having the kids. The strange part about it is that it has all come on so fast, like in the last 5 weeks and that all my clothes etc still fit. 

I am mainly thinking it is fluid retention from lack of movement but none the less it is still weight and it is still there. The feeling i have is what is weighing me down the most though. God i have never ever let myself get to this and am a bit baffled. 

So i am going to channel, channel really really hard on getting my head in the right space and having R out of traction is a great start as we already have 2 appointments to go to tomorrow so we will be on the go all day and i can't wait. 

Watch this space... The happy me will be returning, i promise. 

What a swing! It's back, i found it!

AS i woke this morning all i wanted was to eat. Nope motivation hadn't returned so i had white bread toast. Then sitting down watching loser and the cramps started and sure enough it's now that time of the month. Way too much information but once it started my motivation seemed to return, i know realise those few slaggy, lazy days prior were because Aunt Flo was about to arrive. Thank god she is here though and i can now get back on track. 

The other thing that boosted me, as it always does, is to go through friends Facebook photo's. I get very jealous of how good some of my friends look at that gives me drive, very shallow i know, but they don't know who they are and if it works well i don't see the harm in it, so here is to a brilliant week. 

:-)

Back to where i started

So i suck, yep i suck big time. I have NO idea why i do it to myself but i am back to where i started from. 67.7kg. 

To be honest with myself, today i have no motivation to even try and lose weight... I know i am not happy at this weight, i know i will feel better losing weight and i know how hollow i feel when i see this number on the scales but today i am feeling like bad food is the better option. Oh why does it have to taste sooooo good? You can't tell me that hot chips and chocolate aren't the best foods around? 

Despite my total lack of motivation today i have actually managed to eat really well and am below target for my calorie count. 

So i will try and convince myself, despite this massive lack of desire today, that i need to get back on track, that i need to get moving and shift this weight. Sometimes i think it would be easier to be 72kg again because the weigh came of so much easier then. 

Oh well, i am going to try to find my motivation, i know it's around here somewhere. 

The big snack challenge.

I struggle each night at work and it's all because of these... 

They stand strong all in a row, an army of vending machines full of temptations. They are full of soft drink, chocolate and chips and are cheaper than normal which is their secret weapon. 

So i have my own weapons at my desk to fight this army, i have herbal teas and fruit but for some reason the glow of these machines draws me in like a moth and i have no idea how. 

The best way i have found to manage them is to empty my pockets before work so i have no money to feed them. Sure i don't have to go into the kitchen where they are but even if i don't go in there, i know they are there, waiting for me. 

So the big snack challenge begins, from today i am going to go 2 weeks without putting a single dollar into these machines. I will stand strong against them and i will win. 

Einstien...

So Einstien's theory on insanity is  "insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"


Yet this is what i seem to do over and over and over... Insane much??? 


This time i have been trying to follow this theory but it is hard. Old habits and temptations are so hard to beat. Take work for example, i have set myself up with some yummy herbal teas to give me something to have instead of reaching for the lolly box and had some grapes with me to snack on last night but what did i do?? Had my grapes, had my tea AND helped myself to a number of mini mars bars, milky ways and lolly coke bottles, oh wait i think there was even a sherbert in there somewhere, 


Seriously how much do you want it? That's what i am asking myself this morning as i continue the self sabotage by starting my day with wholemeal crumpets toasted with butter, *sigh*, why do i do it? Is it because i just love the taste of food too much, is it because i enjoy feeling full? Is it because i don't want myself to achieve my goal? IS it because i am too damn lazy? 


What ever it is i need to change so i have been looking at what has worked for me in the past and one main thing is Calorie King (CK). Being accountable for the food i put in my mouth and seeing those calories plastered on the screen, knowing that i can't hide from that orange total bar down the bottom of my screen. And exercise. Exercising like a mad woman is the other thing that has worked, given our current circumstances exercise isn't the easiest thing in the world to fit in each day but i am managing and getting more and more creative. 


So i guess today's challenge is to find out if i truely am insane or not!!! Will i do the same thing i have always done and continue my binge then be annoyed when the scales don't go down which is what i have always done or will i step up and realise that all is not lost by a couple of crumpets.

Insane or Not? 

Before.

So these are my before shots, taken at 67kg. Eeewww, makes me want to vomit. So not a good look. Not only do i want to slim down but i want to tone up aswell. 

The back shot is the worst for me. :-( Those bulging arms and underarm bits and the roll under my bra line. :-(

So use it Kim, use it as motivation...

Here is am again

Here i am AGAIN. Trying to lose weight, struggling with the whole thing.

So who am i.

My name is Kimberly and i am 27 years old and most importantly i am mum to two beautiful babies, Regan (3) and Boston (1).

My whole life i have struggled with weight and eating right. I have always had to work so hard to maintain an average weight and even then i am still slightly bigger than most and bigger than what i want to be.

I have always been active, dancing and exercising and its something that i love. So much so i completed my certificate 3 in fitness and would love to work in the fitness industry. I hope to complete certificate 4 in the second half of this year.

So anyway this blog is to help me stay on track, to try and help me be honest with myself and ultimately achieve my goals.

What is my goal? Well my goal has always been 60kg, i have flirted with 60kg maybe once or twice but never actually hit that magic number for a few years actually a lot of years. I'm not like most people trying to lose weight or doing weight loss blogs because i don't have HUGE amounts of weight to lose, i am currently 66.6kg so only have 6.6kg to lose but i don't find there is a lot of support out there for people with smaller amounts of weight to lose so why not create the support for myself.


Kim